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Him, and you do not see Him. O please! Works of my Lord,
give me news tell me, where is He? He told me He would

come soon, but who knows when.”

At times, I would reach such bitter desolation that I would
feel breathless, ice cold all over, and a shiver throughout my

whole person. Sometimes my family would notice it; they
attributed it to a corporal malady and wanted to put me

under treatment, and call doctors. Sometimes they insisted
so much that they succeeded, but I would do as much as I
could to remain alone; so, they noticed it only a few times. I
remembered still, all the Graces, the words, the corrections,

the reproaches, and I could see with a clear eye how all the
work done until then, everything, everything, had been the
work of His Grace, and that there was nothing left of me but

the mere nothing and the inclination to evil. I could touch with
my own hand how, without Him, I could no longer feel Love
so sensibly, and those Lights so clear during meditation, such
that I would remain there for two or three hours. However,

I did as much as I could in order to do whatever I used to do
when I felt Him within me, because I felt those words being

repeated to me: “If you are faithful, I will come to reward
you; if ungrateful, to chastise you.”

In this way I would spend sometimes two days, sometimes

four, more or less, as He pleased. My only comfort was to
receive Him in the Sacrament. Ah! yes, certainly I found

Him there I could not doubt; and I remember that only
a few times He would not let Himself be heard, because I
prayed Him and prayed Him and importuned Him so much,
that He would content me. However, not loving and lovable,

but severe.

After I would spend those days in that state described

above, especially if I had been faithful to Him, I would feel
Him come back within me. He spoke to me more clearly, and
since during the previous days I had not been able to conceive

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